Also, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’d rather die slowly, just so I could enjoy the sincere goodbyes of the people I care about, rather than die suddenly and not get to tell them how much I love them, too.
I think what makes me most sad about the idea of dying is that I’ll never be able to see how much the people who know me actually love me. Is that narcissistic? I only mean like, you’re never entirely honest about how you feel about someone until they’re gone usually. What you loved about them, the little idiosyncrasies, the things they probably hated about themselves. You don’t appreciate someone’s smile until they aren’t around to smile at you anymore. How much you love someone’s blunt, sarcastic sense of humor, genuine spirit or general love of anything and everything until it’s suddenly gone. I don’t know. That makes me really sad. I just wish I knew now.